There are certain aspects of our lives that we refer to as gray areas when in fact they are very BLACK and WHITE! Which means, it is or it isn’t; we are or we aren’t; yes or no…There is no in between.

RELATIONSHIPS ARE ONE OF THOSE ASPECTS. While many of us give them a pass to be gray, they are not. Maybe this is why a great number of people find themselves constantly heartbroken and disappointed. 

When someone loves you, you KNOW it!  If you have to guess, they probably don’t.  If a friend FUX with you, you know it!  If you have to guess, then you’re probably not friends!

Just as we wouldn’t let a romantic partner come into our lives and not show up, call, text, reach out or spend time, we shouldn’t accept it from people who call themselves our friends. Afterall, our partners should be our friends too, right?

Friendships are crucial for good mental and physical health. Our friends are the companions we choose and should make our lives easier, not harder. It’s important to nurture them.

With that being said…YES! YES! Your friends (if you two are really friends) WILL…

1. Engage with you on social media (when they don’t, that’s like seeing you in public and not speaking. This isn’t trivial).

2. Talk to you consistently (it doesn’t have to be everyday but DAMN, know that they are alive and well, cause you’ve heard their voice; you know if they are afraid of something; lost something; won something; sick of something etc. If you know nothing about their current state of being, y’all are not friends).

3. Be MUTUAL (if it’s one-sided, you’re either the giver or the taker; not friends).

4. Protect you (they won’t put you in spaces or places to be around others who don’t like you or will cause harm to you, be it their partners or spouse or connects of theirs).

5. Include and invite (if it’s a last minute invite; if they come to your city, sit on your block, in your neighborhood and don’t call to say, “Hey!”; if you’re left out of certain details or planning of trips or special events, y’all aren’t friends. Friends don’t forget each other).

6. Be there during your BEST and WORST times (if they only come around when you’re up OR only come around when YOU’RE down, that’s not your friend).

7. Share their resources (Friends don’t gatekeep. They share to make their village better so if they have a resource you can use and they withhold it, that’s not your friend).

8. Wish you well, in PUBLIC and PRIVATE (if they can’t mess with you on social media or in public, they’re likely talking about you bad to someone and don’t want to come off as fake should that person see it).

As I stated earlier, your romantic partner,  should definitely be your FRIEND. Some folks are sleeping with people who wouldn’t feed them if they were hungry! That doesn’t sound like more than friends to me. #abortthat

Anything else that you can not define as a friend may be…
•A classmate
•A colleague
•An associate
•A social media connect
•A peer
•Something to do
•An opp (short for opponent and/or opportunist)

If you’re unclear, use these terms instead of “friend.” When one places people in their rightful categories, life works out much better. #trustme

This article was written to give insight on how clear our position with others should be in our relationships. Gray areas often cause confusion, low self esteem and lack of confidence.

Nya B is a writer, mental health clinician/media expert, model, actress and influencer. To learn more, follow her on IG @author_nya_b or check out her website at http://www.nya-b.com.