The Fake Toast

Everyone loves, love or so it seems. I see it on social media all of the time. The couples’ pics gets the most “likes” and everyone seems to have “relationship goals.”  When a couple gets married, the atmosphere is kinda the same or so it seems. “Congrats! Oh you two look so great together; I’m so happy for you; Wishing you two a couple of forevers” and so on. However, as time goes on, one may learn the harsh reality that some people are only happy for you as long as “your being happy” doesn’t impede on theirs.

My husband and I received a lot of genuine love and support when we got married. People sent us gifts. They gave us the most beautiful cards with the most inspiring words. They gave us money and they spent time with us and to this day, we love them all.

Marriage is a lot easier when you have a great support system. It’s nice to be around people who encourage you to stay together and won’t talk down about your spouse or your marriage but beware of those who pray for your demise. In our case, she stood up at our wedding and gave a fake toast.

If you’ve read “94th & Racine: The Roots of Me,” then you know I don’t have the best relationship with my mother. Needless to say, I was super excited to have a mother-in-law. While my husband and I were dating, his mother and I hit it off great. We talked all of the time, hung out frequently, bought each other gifts; we became friends. On our wedding day, she was front and center. She often shared with me how she admired my strength and loved the fact that I was outspoken, until the day I said some shit she didn’t like.

I can only assume it was something I said because I don’t recall ever doing anything to her but our “relationship” took a turn for the worst. All of a sudden, she started behaving differently. She was too busy for my phone calls, stopped making an effort and found the most ridiculous reasons to have an attitude with me. My husband made attempts to get to the bottom of it. She would deny there was a problem, yet tell others something different. I tried as much as I could and then I realized, when someone doesn’t want to like you, there is nothing you can do about it. As a matter of fact, they will try to find any and everything wrong so they won’t have to.

I had the privilege of getting bits and pieces of what her problem was from her and a few family members.  When I finally spoke to her, she said it was because my husband and I took a break from her grandchildren. I asked her why she didn’t call to find out why we took a step back. I find it odd when a person who claims to love you just stops communicating with you when they have a problem with you. It’s obvious she had time to tell everyone else. Similarly, she seemed unbothered about what we were going through with her ex daughter-in-law. She actually laughed when I told her about the stalking, harassing and horrible lessons his ex was teaching her grandchildren. I believed there was something more to her sudden dislike for me. She seemed so against our marriage.  I couldn’t figure it out.

Anywho, the part that startled me the most was learning who my mother-in-law really was. I finally figured it out. She was fake. She claimed to hate my husband’s ex yet “playing besties” with her. Spending time at her home, telling her everything I ever shared in confidence and supporting her foolish behaviors. I felt hurt and very betrayed. I never expected that.  I suppose the enemy of her enemy was her friend. I remember the day I asked her, “Why would you come around me, buy me gifts and smile in my face if you knew you had a problem with me?” Her response was “to be nice…” I was speechless. I’m use to knowing where I stand with people and vise versa. Chicago raised me that way. I felt foolish.

For a while I asked myself, “What happened to the wonderful toast at the wedding? What happened to how much she use to like me? What happened to how strong I was in her eyes? ” Those things never existed because it was all fake…

 

Author: msnyab

I'm an author, Mental Health Clinician, wife, mother and friend! I've learned that people feel their best when their feelings and thoughts are validated and they are surrounded by others they can relate to. Speaking the truth is liberating and therapeutic. I enjoy giving strangers and loved ones an outlet to do that!!

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