Another Distraction

I planned to write about our personal traits and how they can sometimes contribute to the unexpected of marriage but I have something else on my mind. Earlier, I wrote about distractions and how my husband and I’s greatest distraction is his ex wife. One minute it seems she is chill and the next minute, we learn that she was only taking time off to develop her next move. When I said this girl is like the villain in a movie that just won’t die, she truly is!!

About 3 weeks ago, I noticed a vehicle parked in my neighbors drive way on a regular basis. I even had the thought, “hmmm, she must have a new car..” I didn’t think much of it. I continued to leave for work as usual, carried on with my day. That is until day before yesterday. When I returned from dropping my son off at his bus, I noticed my husband’s ex-wife getting out of that same car with her baby. She put him in the stroller and began taking a walk around the cul-de-sac and neighborhood. This confused me because there are numerous parks, walking paths, tracks and even her own neighborhood that she could get her steps in, so why use ours? Immediately, I called my husband and told him. He said he attempted to call her but she initially, didn’t answer. I also decided to reach out to her via email and express to her that she wasn’t welcomed in our neighborhood. She of course gave a snob remark to the effect of, “I’m not at your house…I can enjoy my life and walk where I want…You are desperate for attention from me…”

She had spoken like a true psychotic. I thought to myself, “This is a real life drama series. She really needs major inpatient care.” I need attention but she is the one walking around my home and neighborhood, claiming to be friends with my neighbor? Even if there is a friend in my neighborhood, why would anyone want to go where there can be potential drama?

I don’t know about the rest of you but had it been me, the exact moment my “friend” gave me her address, my response would’ve been, “Naw that’s too close to my ex husband and his wife. Meet me somewhere else…” Unfortunately, when people have hidden agendas and wanna be seen themselves, they do shit like park across the street from your house and walk up and down your block.🤷🏾

Over the years, we’ve had so many “run-ins” with this woman, it is ridiculous. She started with harassing phone calls, (calling and texting me at least 125 times a day) then it increased to following us on dates, sitting outside our house or circling our cul-de-sac. Shortly after that, she began talking to my neighbors and telling them that my husband was her husband and I was his mistress. A guest of one of my neighbors reported to me that the ex-wife encouraged the neighbors to call her, if and when they saw my husband come home because his kids missed him. It was quite traumatic.

People who know me, know that I have a history of handling things the “street” way. However, when you are a professional and you want to keep everything that encouraged you to give those “street” ways up, you try very hard not to go back to that. Therefore, I had to handle things legally. When the legal system got involved, she couldn’t bother us as directly as she had before. As a result, she began to use the one tool she had… her children.

The use of the children affected my husband more than it did me. People say, you can love your step children as you love your own and maybe there are some that do, but I don’t. They are not my children and I didn’t birth them. Similarly, they don’t appear to be raised in a manner that I would raise my own. I care about their well-being and their safety but that is all I can offer under the circumstances.

In general, I am not kid friendly. My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 9. When the two of them get together, they interact with great intelligence and maturity. I was never that parent that used “baby talk” to connect with my infants. I wanted my boys to speak proper English as early as they could. I don’t have unorganized play with children. We can do a board game or take a trip but I don’t ever want my children to think, they can do something inappropriate and I will laugh because we were just “playing.” My children and I are not friends.  I am very firm with discipline. There are consistent consequences for negative  actions; especially, if it includes disrespect towards another adult. I expect children to know how to behave EVERYWHERE they go, not just outside. I tried to teach her children the same.

However, when a woman is trying to help raise her husband’s children to be great and the biological mother works hard to undermine every valuable lesson, and every effective tool, just because they are jealous, being a step mom becomes an intolerable position.

What this ex-wife doesn’t understand and may not grasp is that, she is trying to make life harder for a woman that she has to send her children to twice a month (let that sink in). That can be the dumbest move ever!!! However, many ex-wives or “baby mommas” don’t think about what’s best for the children. They only seem to think about what’s best for them.

….meanwhile in La La Land…

It’s like she uses her walks in my neighborhood to imagine herself as me, wishing she lived with my husband and that the two of them shared our home together. I bet she thought to herself, “so this is what it feels like to leave their house every day…” Psychotic at it’s best and another fucking distraction that we need to work through…

Ps…she didn’t return yesterday

Author: msnyab

I'm an author, Mental Health Clinician, wife, mother and friend! I've learned that people feel their best when their feelings and thoughts are validated and they are surrounded by others they can relate to. Speaking the truth is liberating and therapeutic. I enjoy giving strangers and loved ones an outlet to do that!!

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