Have you ever noticed that things can be going very well for you, then all of a sudden, they take a wrong turn? That’s because all that is good has God’s stamp on it and who hates God’s triumphs more than anything? Satan! Satan doesn’t win when things are going well, especially with God’s greatest triumph called marriage.
I think many people are led to believe that marriage is bad because there are many unfair things that take place in it: Adultery, divorce, hurt, pain, anger…but the truth of it is, while those things are very real, they are all distractions. A distraction can be anything that Satan uses to destroy your marriage. They can be ex-spouses, family members, your children (yes Satan uses them too), finances, friends, your job, etc. Distractions are not of God. They never have been and they never will be but when we give into them, we are convinced that they are apart of who we are and we need them to get by. Distractions are like symptoms of a cold. You sneeze, you cough, you may get a fever but all in all, it is still a cold. We treat those symptoms in order to get better, right? Therefore, we must do the same in our marriage with distractions.
No marriage is the same. However, every marriage has their theme of distractions. One marriage may have the distraction of a selfish or a controlling spouse. Another marriage may have the distraction of a spouse who works too much or one that doesn’t work at all. There are quite a few marriages that have all of the above but either way, your goal should be to get rid of the distractions together.
Take my husband and I for an example, our biggest distraction was his ex- spouse. She made it her business to ruin whatever God put down in our marriage. I’d have to give it to him, Satan used her well.
Initially, I took on the task of step-mom with a smile. The children enjoyed spending time with me and I enjoyed them. Unfortunately, that turned around real quick. I was accused of having an unsafe home, accused of being inappropriate with her children, they were told not to listen to me or follow my rules and it seemed like everyone in the world was reminded, everyday that I wasn’t their mother. Clearly DNA could prove that but that wasn’t enough. On visits, the children told us they were spanked and/or threatened if they even mentioned my name or eluded to the fact that they liked me. It was sad and I was stuck. I didn’t know how to react. No one ever disliked me like that, especially someone I didn’t know and never did anything to. I was confused. I often asked the question, “How could a woman be this upset with someone who is trying to help her raise her kids?” Shouldn’t she be grateful? Will I ever get a damn “Thank you?” Part of me wanted to whoop her ass and another part of me wanted to leave my marriage. I told myself, “This shit is too much and baby momma drama is beneath me. I run a private practice and waaaaay to fly and classy to be attached to some ghetto shit like this…”
For a very long time, I was angry with my husband because he was slow to “check” her. It seemed he was afraid to do or say anything at the risk of not seeing his children or not having the bond with them he prayed for. A big part of him seemed to be parenting out of guilt and avoidance. I think he felt guilty for not being in the home with his children and having happiness with his new life. He surely didn’t want to spend the scheduled time he had with them focusing on her. I get that now but at the time, avoidance wasn’t working and all I could think about was, “What about my feelings?” Something needed to change. With prayer, forgiveness, patience and determination, together we conquered that distraction…
Keep following and I will tell you how…