“I Do”

Saying, “I Do” means, you’ve made the commitment to God, your partner and everyone watching to give yourself to someone, for better or for worse,  in sickness and in health, ’til death do the two of you part. Oh really??? Sounds better on paper doesn’t it? Hell, it even sounds great rolling off my lips but lets talk about the reality of “I Do.”

When my husband and I got married, we had only known each other for 8 months. Some would argue that we didn’t know each other at all or that the two of us didn’t give the relationship enough time and with those people, I’d have to disagree. What I knew about my husband was more than enough needed to say, “I Do.” I knew what I went through in the past. I knew what I didn’t want. I knew what I needed from him to feel more secure with myself and in the relationship and he did well at providing it. I also knew that if we didn’t marry each other, we’d both be passing up great opportunities. My husband has a great heart. He is a hard worker and what made me fall for him most was, he demonstrated great efforts to maintain his relationships with God, his family and his children. What I didn’t expect was that the same things that made me love him most, would be the same things that made want to rip his eyes out.

See, if you’re “text book” married, then you’re two steps ahead of folks like me, who apparently, likes all things difficult. It’s ideal and wonderful to marry a spouse with no baggage or deviations from the norm. The two of you don’t have any children from previous relationships and you’ve done well saving yourself for that one person.  The two of you live similar lifestyles and have similar personalities. You both fold your towels going in the same direction, laugh at the same jokes and ultimately, get angry about the same things. Well, good for you and I’m officially a “hater” because that is not our story.

We both have children from previous marriages. He is a Jehovah’s Witness and I don’t practice a religion at all. I am a believer and I try to live right but that’s about as far as it goes.  My husband is very close to his family. I, on the other hand, broke ties with my family 19 years ago.  My husband is calm. Me…not so much. My children are calm, his…not so much. Happily ever after isn’t the only thing we say, “I Do” to. There are so many unwritten parts that can and will come into play. However, we don’t realize it or even consider it, until we are “deep” in the marriage.

I don’t know about the rest of you but I said, “I Do” to all the positive ways my husband made me feel. Who knew that he would one day truly piss me off? I said, “I do” to things I could see play out. Who knew that some things would happen that I just didn’t see coming or had no control over?  I said, “I do” to helping out, being a partner, growing together…who knew that one day, things would be all on me? I truly enjoy being the only woman in the household. What’s mine is mine, right? Who knew that I’d look up one day and realize that I’m sharing my $15 shampoo because he suddenly wants a healthy scalp? I don’t eat sweets often but when I decide to, who knew it had to be eaten in 12 hours or less to prove that I really wanted it? So many times, I’ve thought to myself,  “I did not sign up for this…” but yes, yes, I did. It’s called marriage…

Let’s go!!

 

Author: msnyab

I'm an author, Mental Health Clinician, wife, mother and friend! I've learned that people feel their best when their feelings and thoughts are validated and they are surrounded by others they can relate to. Speaking the truth is liberating and therapeutic. I enjoy giving strangers and loved ones an outlet to do that!!

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